2015

So here we are again, at the end of a year. 2015 is taking its last breath and we can already feel 2016 takings its first, just around the corner. In many ways, it’s been a year like all other years – 12 months have passed, weather has changed, people have been born and people have died, and we’ve had tragedies and miracles. But in most ways, his hasn’t been just another year, not to me. As this year comes to an end, I can’t help but think about it and everything it’s contained within its borders – and I feel a deep desire to thank some of the people and souls that have crossed with mine this year, one way or another. So here goes;

A big thank you to my companion in life, the one that will never get rid of me no matter how hard she tries or how much distance is between us. I love you, My.

Thank you to Emke, my sister from another mister and in many ways my twin, for always being there, being yourself, and being totally insane. I love you more than words can ever describe.

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Thank you to my fierce, loving and wonderful Julia for the laughs and the hugs, and the horses and the chickens.

Thank you to Sky, who I’ve not only gotten to know better, but who has also made me know myself better, by a thousand and one weird questions. Thank you for sticking with me.

Thank you to Eli, for always being one to listen and one of the few to truly understand.

Thank you to Emilie, for being impossible with cheese and always bringing a smile to my face.

Thank you to Sebastian, for being my rock when I needed you to be.

Thank you to Malcolm, for the deep talks and the steady frame when I needed someone to cling to, and for being possibly the coziest guy I know.

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To Dibah, for the parties and the cock blocking.

Thank you to the people I’ve met along the way, one way or another; Daniel for being the amazing human being you are, Ian for being such a secure, steady man and for looking out for me, Roy for being so kind and bringing a lot of joy, Laura for being an amazing queue buddy, Tom for being my running mate and a good sport about getting drenched, Valentina for the patience and sneakiness, Kate for the Paris adventures, Heather for being my support through the hate, Jaime, Gavin, Danielle, Catherine, Rory, Samantha, Samuel, Barbie, Bintone, Alex, Rachel, Barbara, Albert, Mike, Leah, Gail, Carole, Mads, Thilo, Danielle, Daz, Nico, Linda, Ritt, Nadine, Giancarlo, Philip, Kate, Chris, Linda, Aggie, Louise, Sean, Alla, Feral, Netiri, Eileen, Wilma, Sandy, Kiisa, Mel, Robin, Cal, Linda, Bex, Robyn, Sara, Annie, Tina, Kim, Lucas, Susann, Klara, Sanne and Helen.


To Larry, for teaching me about life and history, and for truly listening to what I have to say, at the same time.  To Ola, for never giving up and for the hug that made my summer. To Marie, for handling the crazy that is me, and all the work that you do. To Clarissa, for never letting me go fully. To Sophie and your Bo, for being your wild, bubbly and warm selves.

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To Mari, for the never ending sweetness. To Karo, for loving me at first sight and for adventures to come. To Vincent and Luke, for showing me what love can be all about. To Veronique, for always being yourself, through everything. I adore you. To Rita, Katja, Domi, Emi, Rama and Yomna for support and kind words. To Chrissi, for the love and understanding. To Ziamp and mmadamimadamm, for always bringing a smile to my face when I enter twitter. To Carolein and Joyce for the brief but joyful meetings, to Anjelica for the craziness and Dutch lessons, to Mireille for the constantly positive outlook, Yaira for the laughs, Nicole for the feelings and Sherelle for the understanding.

To Marisa, for the love and smiles you always bring with you. To Margot, for being such a warm, generous spirit and a fantastic hugger. To Gelly, for all the work. To Beth, for sharing your art and for the smile in your writing. To Yara, for your warm energy and even warmer smile.

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To Fredrik and Derek, for bringing me hope. To Hanna and Lisa, for the friendship and the umbrella. To Selina, Lisa and Ian, for friendships to come. To Pom, Elias and Elliot for the laughs, the feelings and the hugs. To Ash, for all the crazy stalking and peculiar feet. To Michaela, for the patience, and to Fredrika for the help and generosity. To Kym, for your knowledge and kind heart. To Michelle, for being one of my few steady points, and for the countless inside jokes.
To Billie Joe, Mike and Tré for the music that have forever changed me.

To Anja, for enabling me to get what I really need.

To Brian, Roger, Rufus, Spike and Neil, for giving me the chance to experience magic and meet some amazing souls while doing it, to Dave and Steve for the kindness and sweaty hugs. To the unknown security guard, for the early morning tea.

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To Julia, Douglas, Aurora, Freja and Ingrid, for letting me experience something that I would never have had the chance to otherwise. To Rachel, Erik, Laura and Harrison for the including me in a heartbeat, and to Jordan for being my best mate when I had none. To Gunilla & Jonas, for your generosity and love. To Nicole, Joar and Annika for showing me what love is, through anything.

To Harry, for showing me what a good time really is about.

To all my dog park companions, no matter how many legs you had.

To Apollo, for being my love through everything, to Sam, Wille and Axa for love that was lost but never forgotten, to Zorba, Josephine, Wendy and Cilla for showing me that you’re never alone, to Cosen and Etske, for the warm fur to cry into, and to Bob and Snow for waking me up at the worst of hours.

To Fredrik and Håkan for the opportunity that was impossible to get.

To Anton for the music, Maria for the meaning, to Annika for the sanity, to Mihai for the companionship and the laughs, to Nele for the joy and frustration, to Nina for the spirit, to Leo for the smiles, to Burhan and Sofia for the encouragement, to Linn for the cursing, to Andreas and Niclas for teaching me the way, to Jojo for the calmness, to B-Å för the skills, to Rickard for the fun and to Martin, for the coaching.

To all the people that told me no, and to all the people that told me yes. To the friendly strangers, and the countless vets. To the supportive smiles, and the compassionate hugs. To all the people I’ve forgotten to name, and to all the people that will forever be nameless in my head.

To my dad, for the generosity and counter point. To PO for the never ending support, and to my mom for being the most special woman in my life.

 

 

And last of all, thank you to the person that have helped me find myself. Thank you to the person that helped me see how you evolve, who have taught me how you learn from your mistakes and your successes. Thank you to the man that has taught me to always be kind, gentle, gutsy, charming, firce, sweet, compassionate, crazy, liberal, beautiful and free.

Thank you for a year filled to the brim with happiness, first experiences, and memories to last me a life time.
Thank you for giving me hope when nothing else can, and for the music that touches the deepest parts of me.
Thank you for listening to my stumbling words, for the smiles, and for the hugs that still make my heart race.
Thank you for appreciating my attempt to give you something back, to make you feel welcome and loved.
Thank you, for the most amazing year of my life this far, and for an even more unbelievable one to come.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you, Adam.

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Meeting Adam.

I honestly have no idea how to start this. I just want to run around in circles and scream. This is not in the order of the gigs or anything like that, but I have to write this down because I feel like I’m going to explode. I met Adam fucking Lambert.

 

Okay so, breathe. Let’s take this somewhat from the beginning. I’d been discussing with friends when it was likely he was going to be in Stockholm (as it was confirmed by Shoshanna that he was indeed coming to Sweden for promo) and had some ideas. Those ideas – all wrong! Haha! Warner announced a competition for a M&G directly at the start of the EU promo, and I was legit DYING. I HAD to win this. Whatever it took. Adam was going to be in my country, in my capital, and I had a shot at meeting him. If you follow me on twitter, you probably saw my entry into this competition (and my death when I found out about it) If not, here’s a link to my motivation. Naturally, I took this more seriously than anything else I’ve ever done in my life and wrote approximately 10x longer than anyone else that entered. Because this is what I do. I also booked train tickets to Stockholm because – this was my shot. I was doing whatever it took, no matter if I won or not, to meet him. That gamble? It would come to pay off.

So, I wrote that. And you know what? I won the fucking competition. I think my reaction was heard to outer Mongolia or something similar, I fucking died. Honest to god fucking died. I still can’t believe that I won, even though the event is all over and shit. Things like that don’t happen to me. They don’t. But they did. I was actually, officially, meeting Adam.

Monday morning, the day before the actual event, I got on a train to Stockholm. It’s a somewhat long journey for me, so I had plenty of time to freak out with Emke and plan my trip to the airport. And yes, I know this has been debated on blog comments etc. You know what? I had a guess on which flight he could be on, hoped, and sat at that airport for a long, long while. I had nothing but guesses about anything, but I had a will to meet him no matter what and sitting at that airport was part of that. You can say whatever you want. It’s an open, public space.

But now I’m getting ahead of myself. When I got to Stockholm I had a little walk, went past the venue of the following day (the gorgeous Oscarteatern in central Stockholm) and left my bag at my hotel. Nervous like hell, I decided to just go to the airport instead of walking around in my rainy capital. Less than an hour later, I was there.

I started off with walking between terminals to find out how long it would take me to run if I needed to (as a few possible flights came in sort of close to each other), as well as check how long it took for everyone to get off the plane, approximately. Then I waited. And waited. And waited.

I couldn’t eat, way too nervous. The staff in the café in that small terminal must have thought I was insane just sitting around for 7 hours, but it was so worth it. Because what felt like an eternity and no-time-at-all later, I stood there waiting for the flight he was most probably gonna be on. I spotted some people that I suspected had to do with him, and started shaking as the flight landed.

And proceeded to do so for the next 45min or so, as he was the last one off the plane. (at which point it was just me and two other people – the ones officially waiting for Adam, left in the entire terminal, LMAO)

And then… he was there. I still can’t actually understand that it happened. That I met him. It’s not something I will ever fully process or understand or accept, somehow. It went something like this;

Adam (with his manager) : *walks out of arrival doors*
Me: *forgets everything I’ve ever learned about languages or words in my life* *takes a step forward and kinda flails and makes a weak “Adam” sound*
His manager: “Hi, are you *insert Warner person name*
Me: *flails at person behind me* No I’m… omg omg
Adam: *gets the situation* Hi!
Me: *shakes even more* omg hi hi
Adam: Do you wanna take a picture?
Me: Yeah YES thank you omg so I know this is real
Adam: Awwww
Me: *gets phone up* *Shakes like CRAZY*
Adam: *takes a hold of my FUCKING ARM and raises it so that we get a better angle and steadier photo*
Me: *dies and takes photo*
Me: OMG thank you so so much I’m sorry I’m freaking out so fucking much
Adam: Awww are you okay?
Me: *extremely shakily* Y-yes I’m okay now
Adam: Awwww gimme a hug!
Me: *actually legit dies because I get to hug Adam*
Me: Thank you so so much omg
Adam: Aww no worries, see you!
Me: Y-yes see you tomorrow actually, I won the thing??
Adam: Awww great, see you then!
Me: Yes see you then, bye!
Adam: Bye!

I can't even put a caption on this.

I can’t even put a caption on this.

I then let him go as he’d had a long flight and I’d had my moment. It was literally about 30 seconds or something, but the moment he disappeared into the elevator my knees actually gave out and I had no feeling in my arms – a complete system death as far as I’m conserned. I tweeted and texted a few people, and then had to sit down and try to breathe a little bit because I feared I was going to pass out. I met Adam. I actually met ADAM. I don’t even have words to describe how much it means to me. I got to meet the man that I thank my life for. Without him I really wouldn’t be the guy I am today, and probably not be around at all.

 

Okay, so, somehow I gotta continue this because I’m not done. I still had that official thing!? Like, JFC, how was this my life. I got back to my hotel, called my mom (who thought I was slightly insane but was also really happy for me) and tried to somehow sort my emotions out. Decided to go for an evening walk to think better and get some fresh air. (Later found out that Adam went for a walk at approximately the same time and I was minutes away from running into him, but it’s okay, I’m happy he got to enjoy my capital without having to call the ambulance because of crazy fans like me)

Evening stroll in Stockholm

Evening stroll in Stockholm

I went to sleep late that night, feeling a lot of turmoil and not knowing how I was going to cope with anything the following day.

I went up early, had a shower, packed my things and checked out, and made my way to my friend Sebastian’s place. Ideally I would have brought my best friend for life, My, with me (she went with me to Denmark and later also Sheffield, and has since then became a massive Glambert) but she was stuck with work. I had her letter however, and stuck that in Seb’s hands pretty much immediately. “Here, you take care of this, I’m going to die and not be able to do anything”. Sebastian is a dear friend of mine (and actually my ex) and he was simply a pretty clear choice in who-to-bring. After all, he does like Adam and he’s been putting up with me for like 8 years or something.

I wrote a letter, just trying to shortly put into words a few things I know I’d never be able to say to Adam directly. We also got ready. I did look great at that point, but it would pretty soon be ruined. Ah well.

The bus was late – driving my nerves up to the point where I thought I was going to puke, but Seb was a rock. We arrived at the venue and I jumped right in to a couple of friends – who all seemed somewhat calm in comparison to my hysteria. But yeah, nothing could calm me down.

Eventually we got in, got checked in with names and all, had to leave our phones and got lead up to a small hall for the listening party. At this point my stomach was turning, and the food (that I couldn’t eat anyway, vegan and all) did not get my attention at all. As if I could eat!?

I said a tentative hi to the warner girl from the day before who at least smiled at me (phew) and then proceeded to actually DIE when we got to hear new songs. Most of the other people seemed to enjoy it sort of in the background, eating and chatting away, while I was clinging to a table and shaking like a leaf. Smooth, Alex.

Listening party flyer!

Listening party flyer!

I somehow survived that, and we got downstairs again and got our phones back. Then we were let into the theathre. Which is, A) tiny as fuck B) seated really close to the stage. I took a seat at the second row, less than a meter from the stage, and stared up at the massive display of the album cover and the two small chairs set up. Oh god. The guy next to me then turned to me and said “there he is” and pointed to the side of the stage, where we could see Adam waiting, and I think at that point my body started full-on shaking all over.

Then he was there. On that stage, all smiles and gorgeous despite being jet lagged and having visited radio stations early that morning. I had my hands up over my mouth the entire 50min that interview went on, shaking like a fucking leaf and not being able to tear my eyes off him. He has an incredible energy about him, as I’ve noted in some of the gig recaps, and it’s amazing how strong it is even though he’s just sitting down for a chat. The interview itself was actually really good and in-depth, and I’m so so happy to have witnessed it live.

Adam's selfie from stage - you can spot me crying and waving in the center.

Adam’s selfie from stage – you can spot me crying and waving in the center.

After that, he stayed at the stage for a few minutes and signed some things for the people in the front row. We were at that point already running a lot over time, but I hung around a little bit as well, I couldn’t leave, although I knew I was seeing him for M&G a few minutes later. As I was trying to process this, having him a meter in front of me, on his fucking knees, he looked up, gave me a smile of recognition and said “Hi!” My knees gave out.

I have no words

I have no words

We were pushed out and had to wait a little bit in the reception for them to sort out where they wanted to take the picture. At this point reality started to sink in a fraction, and my shaking and freaking out turned into I-can’t-walk-by-myself and crying floods. Smooth as ever, I was the only one freaking out so profoundly. Way to go, Alexander.

Even the Warner employees were a little bit worried at that point, told me to go last and asked me if I was okay. I managed to choke out that I really wasn’t, but that it was all amazing.

We got to go up again, for better lightning, and line up. I stayed back, crying hysterically and trying to just breathe enough to not pass out. And then somehow, time passed and it was my turn.

Now, I gotta take a second to give Sebastian some cred here, because he did an amazing job in pushing me into Adam, getting bags and whatnot out of the way, getting the link for the photo, give the letters to Adam and take care of me. As for me? All my attention was directed at Adam.

My M&G picture with Adam. I look fucking ruined and the poor thing is handling it (and me) really well. He's a pro.

My M&G picture with Adam. I look fucking ruined and the poor thing is handling it (and me) really well. He’s a pro.

Fucking Adam. Smiling, looking gorgeous as I can’t even describe in person and just… GAAH!!! He commented that “today is not like the airport!” (probably meaning my outfit being a lot better or just generally to recognize me, fuck it if I know),  I got another hug (and he smelt really good? Awesome choice of cologne, whatever it was), we took the M&G photo and I asked him to sign my setlists that I’d brought.

Signed setlists, one for me and for my BFF who couldn't be there.

Signed setlists, one for me and for my BFF who couldn’t be there.

He happily did so, and I could feel my knees start to give out as I realized that time was running out. He gave the setlists back to me, and I looked into his eyes (fucking kill me) and managed to choke out “Thank you, thank you for everything.”

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Me and Adam. Most unreal feeling in the world looking at these photos.

Me and Adam. Most unreal feeling in the world looking at these photos.

Afterwards, I had to be held up, hugged and led out of there. I continued to cry and shake for a long, long while afterwards, earning me a few strange looks out on the street in Stockholm. Whatever. To this day, almost 2 weeks later, I still haven’t fully understood that it happened. I met Adam. Both on a M&G and all by myself. I got to hug him twice. I got to thank him while looking into his eyes, although I don’t know if he understands how much meaning really was behind all that, and I got to give him my letter saying all those things that I couldn’t say. He knows I exist for real now. He knows I commited enough to be at that airport by myself. He knows. And it means everything to me. I got to meet him. I really did.

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Adam, if you by any chance happen to read this; Thank you. For everything.

Paris 26th of January – The City of Love deliveres

It’s been a while, again! Part of it is due to travels and studies, but mostly it’s been a matter of gearing myself up to write this post. It’s going to be an emotional one.

 

This story begins the day before, on the 25th. It was a long day of travelling. For some reason it was cheaper for me to go through an airport outside Stockholm (which is 3 times further away from me than Gothenburg) so that’s what I did. But this also meant I had a lot of time at the train, bus, airport etc. To occupy myself I started writing a letter to Adam. It ended up as more than 14 pages of turmoil. Lots of emotions in there; basically everything that Adam’s done for me and my whole back story to explain it. It was a mess, but it was at least heartfelt, haha!

Finally, that evening, I landed outside Paris and spent the entire bus and metro ride texting with my dear friend Emilie that was going to meet me up by the metro station near my hotel together with Kate, who’d arrived from Italy earlier that day. Some back story here; Emilie is one of my absolute dearest friends, but we’d never met in person before. Thus, there were a lot of emotions and nerves in the air, even if I think we both knew that it was going to be amazing. And it was! My Emilie! First couple of minutes are always weird, but within 30 minutes we were all three a tight gang. After some map reading difficulties we found my hotel, checked me in, and then went to get a drink. We ended up chatting for almost two hours over a typical Parisian outdoor’s café table. I had a good gut feeling about the coming day. We decided on a time to meet up at the venue, and went our separate ways to get a few hours of sleep.

Drink and smokes in a Paris winter's night - magic!

Drink and smokes in a Paris winter’s night – magic!

Turns out, Paris metro information isn’t very reliable. A few curses at 5am in the morning later, I decided to walk to the venue. I thought it was about a 20min walk. Ended up being more than an hour’s speed walk through a totally deserted (apart from a few homeless people and a horny baker) January morning Paris. Not that it took my mood down a second. I was in Paris! About to see Queen and Adam at the smallest venue of the tour. With great friends. What could possibly bring my mood down?

Paris morning

Paris morning

Fast forward a few hours (and meeting up with the incredibly lovely Vero <3) and we were slightly less cheery, haha. It was awfully cold, rained every now and then and we had to sit outside on the ground with no cover what so ever. Blergh! But a lot of cigarettes and happy chatting, and a cup of tea each, and we kept the mood up. The trucks arrived and we flailed like idiots and took a bunch of photos. As you do! We could sneak some peaks through open doors and flailed some more. They were setting up! There was going to be a sound check within a few hours!

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Not my pic, but this was our day. It was very cold.

Very, very cold.

Very, very cold.

 

By the time they actually did the proper sound check, it was quite late. By that time (in the rain and about 3 degrees celsius and 3 hours to go before we were going to be let in) we were about 60 people or so in queue. Me, Kate, Emilie and Vero sat clutching each other hard and hyperventilated when we first heard the sound check start. And when they started soundchecking The Show Must Go On, a song that hadn’t been played yet on the UK/EU leg of the tour, and also the song Vero had tweeted Brian like crazy about, I think we all went into collective “I’M GOING TO FAINT”-mode. Meanwhile everyone else in queue didn’t really pay attention to the sound check at all. HELLU!? Wtf, people, wtf.

Fast forward another few hours, Emilie flirting with the security guard to get us some advantages during let in and a crazy sprint in feet with no feeling later, and we stared up at the stage in front of us. Perfect spot at the B-stage. We (excluding Vero who stood at the big stage to get as close as possible to Rufus ;)) looked at each other and squealed. It was happening!!

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Well, two hours later it was. I have to say, the audience in Paris was NUTS. On all the other gigs, people were of course excited about the gig before and talked to each other etc, but nothing at all like Paris. Here, people were screaming and clapping and chanting an HOUR before they even stepped on stage. It was crazy! And it would keep up like that during the entire gig. Kudos to you, crazy French people.

I remember looking over at Kate and Emilie when Adam first appeared on stage, and especially when his first few notes hit us. Both of them had their jaws at the floor and eyes completely round. Not that I blame them, at all. I was probably sporting a somewhat similar expression throughout the entire gig, hahaha!

Now, to the actual gig. As in previous posts, I’m going to bring up a few special moments. For this gig, they were two pretty fucking major ones. Brace yourself!

Exhibit A, Plaisir d’Amour

Time: 0.40 – 0.44

WIBD (What is Brian Doing?): The audience was cheering and chanting like crazy, myself included. (Jumping up and down like an idiot and making a heart with my hands) and Brian saw me, locked eyes with me, chuckled, and then blew me a kiss and mouthed something (Thank you?) This is one of my dearest Brian-moments of this tour, because it was simply so, so sweet.

Exhibit B, Radio GaGa

Time: 2.19 – 2.23

WILD (What is Lambert Doing?): Okay, oh my fucking god. As I explained in the previous blog post, my first time ever touching Adam was that second night at the O2, and it was just a brief touch, nothing more. In Paris, when Adam went down in Radio GaGa, I thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack. And what does he do? Oh, when he’s still meters away from me, he fucking ZEROES IN ON ME. You can see it quite clearly in the vid, he fixes his eyes on someone (omfg, on me) and basically ignores everyone else for those few seconds. You can also see him give me a little nod as he walks past. What isn’t shown in the video, and maybe that’s good (haha!) is that I completely fucking panicked when he was in front of me. As I wasn’t in any sort of shape to think about anything, I instinctively reached out for him and well… Dragged my hands all over his chest, basically. (On top of clothing, of course, I’m not creepy enough to actually grope him.) (and omfg the jeans fabric of his vest and his firm, firm body underneath, kill me). You can’t see how, during that little nod, he gave me a half smirk and his eyes sparkled. (He likes boys throwing himself at him and DYING in the process? Noted, Lambert) This is, to date, possibly the single best Adam moment I’ve had. HE FUCKING ZEROED IN ON ME!? *hyperventilates 4 months later just from thinking about it* (I’m not a very emotionally stable person, as it turns out)

 

Another notable moment was in Killer Queen when Adam flirted with us for a few seconds, we screamed that we wanted his cock during the little pause after “guaranteed to blow your…”, and how I got some champagne-spit on my arm and proceeded to lick half of it up (I have absolutely no shame whatsoever) and smear the rest of it in Emilie’s face. I’m such a good friend.

This concert was absolutely everything. The two moments I’ve explained in detail above really made my night. The show was amazing (We got The Show Must Go On!!) and I got to experience it with amazing people. When I got back to my hotel I once again fell into complete chock-mode and had muscle spasms for over 30 minutes while crying like crazy. As said, I’m such a stable and controlled person, huh?

Setlist, pick and confetti. I love you, Dave.

Setlist, pick and confetti. I love you, Dave.

The following day I spent some time around lunch with Emilie and Kate, had a very emotional and sad time saying goodbye to Emilie (we stood clutching in the metro for 10 minutes), did some touristy stuff with Kate before she had to leave, had a walk from the Louvre to the Tower and simply adored Paris and everything it stands for, both as a symbol and for me personally. I got back to the hotel early that evening, packed everything and got ready to leave for Amsterdam the following morning, and spent some time in bed just thinking about everything. Oh, Paris. My Emilie. Jesus fuck, Adam. What an insane life I was living.

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London 18th of January – infinity is a peculiar thing

Time to continue the great adventure recaps, ey?

After less than two hours of sleep, I woke up from a blaring alarm at 4am on the 18th. Determined to actually look somewhat better than I was feeling after 14h of queuing the day before, foundation was my best friend that morning. My prebooked cab arrived at 5am, as there wasn’t any public transport that early in the morning. It was only a 10min drive, so it wasn’t even that expensive. The cab driver wonder what the fuck I was going to do at the O2 at 5 in the morning. I told him I was queuing up for Queen and Adam Lambert. He said he hadn’t heard the Queen was going to make an appearance in a big arena, and was frankly quite confused when I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t the Queen, it was Queen.

When I got in queue, I was met by only two people – Roy (who most of you will recognize by now I think, he’s well known in the fandoms!) as well as Sam, a lovely American that explained that his wife and daughter were getting some well deserved few hours of sleep, as they’d flown in from Florida for the weekend only – just for doing the gigs! I have to say, standing there freezing my ass off at 6am, that was some pretty impressive A+ parenting right there. Soon Laura, who I’d started talking to just the day before and clicked with immediately, also showed up, and then on it went. More lovely Glamberts (Linda, Jacqui, Nadine, Mel, Nico, Leah and Heather, to name a few!) (Yes Daz you are also included but you turned up way later, so I can’t fairly include you right now ;)) and many lovely Queenies (shoutout to Dan & Dan, Thilo, Ian, Chris, Ritt, Gavin, Jaime and everyone I’ve forgotten to name!)

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With a bunch of lovely Queen and Adam fans!

With a bunch of lovely Queen and Adam fans!

The queue was a lot slower on the second day, both in the beginning and through out the day. We had awesome security staff again, who’d been kind enough to leave things people had thrown away the previous day for us to use, such as yoga mats and blankets. Very appreciated, to say the least! Topics of discussion during the day included everything from Glee to Adam’s dick and ass to Mexico…. 😉 We kept ourselves entertained!

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The queue life

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Let in the second day was a lot more chaotic than day 1. Instead of giving us all wrist bands before letting us in, we had to do it at the barrier, which meant that the order and well kept queue system fucked up… We were a few very furious people, to say the least…! But thanks to great friends that I’d made during the two days, no less than 4 people were keeping spots just for me. That’s the spirit that should be encouraged! And, very much thanks to this, I got the exact same spot as the day before.

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Same place as the day before, much thanks to the lovely Laura!

Same place as the day before, much thanks to the lovely Laura!

Now, you may or may not wonder why this is important. In the previous post, I mentioned that Adam never went down into the audience during the first night’s Radio GaGa. I was quite upset about this, so I crafted a little sign on the backside of my booking confirmation papers. I chose between being bitchy and asking nicely, and you can see what I chose. (Good manners will get you far people, you’ll see)

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This day the audience anticipation was of slightly lower energy, as most of us wanted to save our energy for the actual gig. But as soon as the place went dark, shit went down. No matter how tired, hungry and exhausted you are, as soon as you hear that music starting – your heart is racing, you can’t breathe and it’s just 110% pure excitement in the air. It’s addictive, to say the least!!

So, let’s get going to two moments of the gig….

Exhibit A, Save Me

Time: 2.15 – 2.25

Line: Save me, Save me

WILD (What Is Lambert Doing): Walking down the stairs very greacefully, looking into my eye for a solid 10 seconds. As if I needed my heart to function or anything, meh.

Exhibit B, Radio GaGa

Time: Around 2.30

WILD: Gowing down the small stairs, and (even though sadly not shown on any video) GRABBING MY HAND.

Okay, so some explanation here. I’ve been a massive fan of Adam for years. As mentioned in my Sydney recap, I’ve missed out on every chance to see him before this QAL adventure. I missed London in 2012, I couldn’t go to Helsinki, couldn’t even go when he was in Sweden for promo work. I’ve missed so many chances. Adam means incredibly much to me. He’s much, much more than just an “idol”, someone I look up to. His music, but even more just him as a person and everything that he is and represents, has helped me through a lot of very difficult things that are way too personal to share here. He continues to inspire me every day, he makes me see what’s good in life, even when I’m dealing with things that could have ended me, once upon a time. I have Adam to thank for my life, and that’s not something I take lightly. My first ever tattoo is a version of his famous first tattoo – the eye of horus. Mine is a one-of-a-kind artwork piece created by a very talented girl (you can find her on twitter here) that, as you can see, has some even deeper connections to Adam. He is my protector in many ways, and this tattoo reminds me every day about that, and about taking charge of my own life and living it to the fullest.

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Now, why am I telling you this? Because, that second night in London, after waiting for so many hours, after holding that little sign up the entire gig (earning a chuckle from Brian at one point) and after spending so much time, money, effort and love the last few years on this man – I got to physically touch him.

It was brief, probably not even more than a second, but that didn’t matter. We locked hands for a moment. My fingers were grasping his Eye of Horus tattoo, and his (although he probably doesn’t know it) fingers were touching mine. I can’t even begin to explain how much of a deep, special meaning that had and still has to me.

The only ones that can probably remotely understand my reaction to this were Laura and the amazing Glamberts I met out in the reception afterwards. I was crying hysterically, was saved from fainting by Laura’s sweetheart of a mother, and hugging everyone within three meters of me. Complete and total chock mode. I started shaking violently, was nothing short of a niagara fall, and was actually down on my knees while talking to my mother on the phone in the hotel hallway. To some of you my reaction may seem silly or childish, but I can’t care less. This person means the world to me, he really does, and that night I actually got to touch him for the first time in my life.

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A very upset Alexander above, and a gift from one of the guys that is in charge of the stairs below, as he saw my insane reaction to touching Adam and my commitment throughout the night. Thank you!

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Adam talks a lot about his second tattoo, the infinity symbol, and how it symbolises the energy flow between him and the audience. The energy flow of that evening, Eye of Horus to Eye of Horus, still has my knees going wobbly today, 2.5 months later. I doubt it will ever go away.

London 17th of January – the first of the double

At the time of writing this, I’m sat in my bed here in Sydney, in the middle of the night, breathing heavy. For a bunch of different private reasons I’m feeling a lot of anxiety, and need to put my mind into something for a while. So, thus, I’m writing this. It’s long overdue but I just haven’t been able to deal with it all for a while. I’m still not healed from the raw wound that is this tour ending, but I’m slowly getting a little bit closer to healing today. But now, enough rambling and let’s get to the goodies!

Having made the trip to London on New Year’s Eve, I felt slightly more at peace getting to the airport mid-January to wait for my flight to Stansted. This time around I wasn’t flying in on the same day as the gig and thus was far more relaxed over the actual trip – no need to run this time. While standing in line waiting to board, a guy actually came up to me, having noticed my Queen+Adam Lambert shirt and asked if I was going to London to see them. It resulted in a 20min chat about Queen, rock gigs in general, Adam and his new music (and it warmed my heart greatly hearing a Queen fan say that he was excited about Adam’s new material, no matter if it was rock or not). Although we had to part ways when we finally actually got to board, almost 40 minutes late, it had set the mood. This was going to be good.

Arriving in London a few hours later, I did some breakfast shopping for the upcoming queue days, went by the O2 to check out the walk from the tube to the arena in preparations (which turned out to be pretty silly, seeing as it’s literally 2min and the one big, clear road from the tube station exit, but whatever) and freaked out about the huge billboard outside the station on twitter, before  proceeding to take the wrong tube line and getting lost for about an hour in possibly the most boring part of London possible – the construction harbor area. Oops. Slightly pissed and grumpy I finally got to my hotel, checked in, and breathed out. I was in London. It was going to happen, I was going to see Queen and Adam again. Big smile on my face, I made plans to meet up with a dear friend of mine and fellow Glambert a few hours later.

I like seeing the massive "Sold Out" so much

I like seeing the massive “Sold Out” so much

Now, besides NYE, I haven’t really met many Glamberts in real life, and especially not people I’ve talked to a lot. So seeing Sophie was wonderful and a very happy experience. Her kid is a sweetheart too. We later met up with the lovely SlipOutofSight on twitter and her adorable hubby and had a late dinner together, chatting away and joking. When I finally fell into bed that night, it was well past 1am and I had my alarm set at 4am.

And I woke up at 5.26am to the most bone chilling panic ever. How the fuck do you oversleep on a gig day!?

Forgoing all plans of makeup and hair I grabbed everything I needed to go, and was out the door in 10min. The tube was empty so early on a Saturday morning, as was the tube station at the O2. The walk up to the arena entrance had my stomach up by my ears somewhere. It was a huge arena, surely my oversleeping would get me a horrible spot in queue.

Well, have a little faith they say sometimes. 4th in queue.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail about queuing, because 1. It’s pretty boring to hear second hand stories, 2. It’s not like you actually DO something, there’s just a shit ton of talking and freezing together, and 3. It’s all a happy blur in my memory. But what I can say is that the O2 security were absolutely amazing at keeping everyone happy and well organized, we were free to go and come as we pleased through the guarded gate to the queuing section to go to toilet, get food and coffee and similar. They were friendly, chatty, professional and well informed. Having experienced a few gigs in my life, and having experienced a few gigs later on at the tour, I can honestly say that I’ve never encountered such amazing security staff before in my life. A+ to you, O2.

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I’d also like to give a quick shout out to every wonderful person in that queue. Laura, a Queenie I would come to see as a good friend and gig companion over the two days. Catherine and Danielle, two lovely Queenies and enthusiastic Roger-lovers, Tom and Rory for entertaining the entire queue, Heather and Leah for, although we didn’t talk much the first day, becoming good friends as well, as well as Albert, Thilo, Gavin, Mel, Linda, Nico, Chris and Chris, Dan and Dan, Jacqui, Giancarlo, Nadine, Jaime, Roy, Ian, my fellow Swedes, all the Finnberts and everyone I’ve to my big embarrassment forgotten to name. If you’re not included, I’m sorry. Just now that I all appreciate you, you all made the whole thing fantastic.

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Let in, always nerv-wracking. Having the chaos of NYE fresh in my mind, I wasn’t feeling very optimistic. But, much to my amazement, we went inside in perfect order, no running, with adrenaline pumping through all of our hearts I’m sure. As soon as my hands gripped the railing, I breathed out and looked up. There it was. The curtain. The stage.

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I was right where I was supposed to be. In the midst of all the excitement and adrenaline and freaking out, it felt, cheesy enough, like coming home.

Front row happiness!

Front row happiness!

Next followed the 2 hour wait until the show started. I got to wave to some of my friends, got to watch the arena fill up and talk a little bit to the security guard and people right by the stage as well as the people in the crowd around me, which just happened to be some of the people that I’d been queuing with all day and that would later turn out to become a few of the best people I’ve met through these gigs. All Queen fans, as it happens. Not that it mattered to us. Love is love, and we were all there to see people that we love. Both Laura and Tom sweetly mentioned that they think Adam is pretty damn cool, and we teased Rory about not knowing what he was in for. As if any of us were.

And then somehow, the show finally started. The lights went down, the heavy intro beats started, Freddie’s voice for a short second, and then that big silhouette of Brian up there before the curtain ripped away, and Adam fucking Lambert was right there in front of me again. A few seconds, and then he stepped up towards the crowd right in front of us and that wall of sound that is Adam live hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. I’d heard him on NYE, of course, but that performance was in a small venue and made to sound good for TV, too. This was all about rock and roll, and just like it’s supposed to be, there was no way in hell, or heaven for that matter, to prepare for it.

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As always, the actual gig is a huge blur afterwards. I’ve pinpointed down a few little moments though, that are special and dear to my heart.

Exhibit A, Save Me

Time: 2.20 – 2.21

Line: “Save Me” (I’d love to, Adam)

WILD (What Is Lambert Doing): Walking down the stairs, singing, while looking me in the eye for a split second. Gah.

Exhibit B, We Are The Champions 

Now I haven’t been able to find a good video of it, but at the end of the concert, during God Save The Queen, I mouthed “I love you!” to Adam and he cought it and gave me one of his megawatt smiles in return. It may seem simple, but I will forever treasure this little moment in my heart, because Adam got to actually see/hear me say that I love him, and that means a lot to me. However I did want to stick another video in here, so here’s some awesomeness for all of you.

I also have a fond memory of Brian smiling at me at one point in Killer Queen because I was dancing away and singing my heart out, but of course everyone’s cameras were pointed at Adam, so I can’t find a good video of that anyway. I’m not too sad about it though, KQ is all about our Diva!

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This was also the first gig where I got to see Dave. Now, he might not have done too much this first gig except be the awesome head of security for the band that he is and give me a setlist, but don’t mistrust. He will come back with more detail in later recaps, just be patient. Also worth noting for this gig is that Adam never came down in Radio GaGa. I was slightly (very) disappointed at this, but tried not to think too much about it at the time. Again though, this is something that I will touch more upon in the next recap.

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Never the less, the gig was AMAZING, I’d officially somehow lived through a full length QAL gig from the front row, and I was dying out in the big arena entrance afterwards. Hugging a bunch of amazing, fantastic Glamberts that knows who they are and making plans for the next day. I’ve never experienced two gigs back to back like that, and especially not having to queue like that, but when I finally got back to my hotel at 1.30am after a chat with my lovely friend Sophie again, my pulse was still racing at well above 170 beats a minute. I wouldn’t even get two hours of sleep before getting up again, not that I was complaining or anything. I would get to do it all over again, only even better.

As my first big personal hero, Billie Joe Armstrong, once said – the second night is always better than the first.

A side note to NYE – otherwise known as “OMG he looked me in the eye!”

Since I wrote that New Year’s Eve recap, I realized that I never included any video where Adam looks at me. And you know, as a total fanboy, this is a very important thing, haha. So, here’s a little side note, aka two places where Adam looked me in the eye (help, I can’t breathe)

Exhibit A, I Want To Break Free

Time: 2.51 – 2.55

Line: “So, baby can’t you see?” (O.M.G. he just sang “baby” in my face!)

WILD (What Is Lambert Doing): Making a little “ofh!” move and looking INSANELY sexy as he focuses on me (how am I still breathing? No one knows)

Exhibit B, Somebody To Love

Time: 3.31 – 3.35

Line: “Can anybody find me YEAH” (omg that wail!?)

WILD: Wailing and moving his hand to mimic my own (thankfully not-heard-on-stream-in-front-of-14-million-people) wailing that I was doing with him, LOL.

It is a medical mystery how I am still alive.

London, New Year’s Eve – nothing will ever beat this

Fast forward a few months from that gig in Sydney. They’d released the tickets to the tour, and I’d bought quite a few of them (at 3am or so at night, you know, time zones…) I was set. I had my dates, my flights, my hotels. And then they released a little something else…

I had to act quick. Was I going to go, or not? It would be expensive. The ticket prize was higher than any of the other shows, not to mention flying to and from and finding a hotel in London on New Year’s Eve. But if I didn’t go, I knew that I’d never forgive myself for it. Said and done, and after a LOT of trouble in booking the damn tickets (let me tell you, never call Seetickets’ customer service. They had no idea what they were talking about) they were mine. I was going to go to London for the first time ever on New Year’s Eve to see the man I adore more than any other and Queen. In a church. In front of huge TV-Cameras. Did I mention I’m insane?

I flew home from Sydney right before Christmas. Sweden was cold, dark and miserable compared to the sun and beach in Australia. But, I was a week away from going to god-damn London. I’ve never wanted Christmas to be over so fast.

Brian was as excited as I was.

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Then the day was finally there. I got up at three to do my hair and make up, which is an interesting thing to do. (try stabbing your own eye with eyeliner at 3.10am and you’ll see what I mean)

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I got a family member to drive me to the airport (a 2.5h drive…) because trains, busses etc weren’t operating as usual, of course. I got to the airport well in time for my flight. Freaked out when it got delayed. This was the one and only time that I flew in on the same day as a gig, and I just wanted to get to the venue as quickly as I could possibly do it. Finally, fucking finally, the flight arrived in Stansted. Running through the airport to find the train to London, I managed to catch one a minute before it departed. I didn’t even look out the window during the 50min train ride, too busy tweeting and trying to find out if the queue was long. Who gives a shit about British country side when you’re on your way to see Queen anyway?

Got to London and navigated myself to my hotel. Despite having to sign documents, take copies of my passport etc I was in and out of that hotel in 5 min. I needed to get. to. the. venue.

Took the tube and got off at Westminister, which I’d seen was the closest tube stop to the venue. Got up to ground level and oh. Huh. So that’s where Big Ben is, I guess.

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Two pictures later, I was on the move again. As it was New Year’s Eve and they were preparing for the 100k people or so that would be packed in by the BB and river, they’d begun putting up big shields on the street right by the venue, the gorgeous Central Hall Westminister. Which meant that I couldn’t see the queue as I was walking up towards it. My heart was beating at a crazy pace, and I prepared myself for the, you know, at least 100 people that would be there already. The entire 2min walk to the venue I kept telling myself “it doesn’t matter, you’re here, you’re gonna see them so up close, it’s insane, it’s more than 2pm, of course there’s going to be lots of people, you know this already.”

Rounded the corner and holy shit. 20 people in queue. I’d arrived 2pm to the most exclusive gig on the tour, and I was number 20-something in queue. What?

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I couldn’t even grasp it. Not only was I going to see Queen and Adam again, I was most probably going to see them front fucking row. On national, live sent television. Fuck!?

Not my picture. Central Hall on the night of the gig.

Not my picture. Central Hall on the night of the gig.

The queue was cool. Lots of Queen fans that I’d later befriend many of them, or at least know how they are. I stood there talking to a few different people, listening to hard core Queen fans tell their stories from the day of Freddie, from conventions, from Hammersmith (especially Adam’s pant-split-situation was a hot topic, haha!) No one had any real bad words about Adam. Yes, there were a few “He’s no Freddie”, but they all agreed that he is a great singer and that he does do Queen justice. Thank you, Queenies!

It was cold. People walking past wondered why the hell a bunch of people were queuing outside a church on NYE. (We tried to look as non-religious as we could, but some were not convinced that we weren’t super Christian weirdos) As someone that was not a resident of the UK, I’d been instructed to pick up my ticket in the box office, to later be informed that they’d let us pick them up at 9pm. When the doors opened. Oh hell no. After hours of tormenting the poor guy in the reception that had no clue about anything, and kept trying to tell us that they were not the organizers, just the venue, the first 20-or so from abroad got to pick up our tickets at just before 8pm. Yeah, no way were we going to let people run past us just because we weren’t from the UK. Hah!

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Also, did I mention that it was like, really cold? (And hey, look at my fab outfit!!)

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Then the time finally came. 9pm. Big Ben started ringing and we were all just slowly shuffling closer and closer to the door. 9pm passed. Everyone wagged a bit from foot to foot, trying to get some warmth back into frozen limbs. 9.05pm. The doors suddenly opened! We all just went for it, pushing through that tiny little door. Right inside we were stopped, for what looked like a security check. Come on! Then all the sudden we were let up the first set of stairs, just to be stopped again. Are you kidding us!? Then finally, we were allowed to go. Two set of gorgeous marble stairs, and then a short sprint into the hall. Guess who motherfucking TRIPPED in the stairs? Yep, that’s right, moi. Fuuuck. 5 steps I was literally on all fours, scrambling to get up and just screaming in my head UP,UP,UP,UP,UP!!!!! Sprinted through those doors, scaring the shit out of the poor clerk standing there, and hitting the barricade hard. One big breath, I looked up, and holy-fucking-shit. Front row. Front fucking row.

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There was a massive camera rig in front of me, but the stage was right there. As you can see on the picture, there was also a small platform, and it was right in front of my face. Holy shit. Literally, I was in a church, holy shit.

And then, you know, we waited. We got in at 9.10pm and the show was set to start at 11.15pm. They had arranged for a comedian, who I sadly can’t remember the name of, to be there and tell us about all the important stuff and warm us up. When he first came out and started talking to us, he said that we’d be stuck in there after the gig because of the huge crowds leaving Westminister after midnight. He jokingly told us we were basically being held hostages, to which a girl yelled that she’d happily be held hostage by Roger any day, lol. You go girl.

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We were surprised to get a warm up act. Sadly he was more of a let down act than anything else. He told us that if his guitar sounded untuned, it was because it was magical. No dude, it’s because it’s untuned. Get off the stage. 40min of agony later, he did. Thank god.

Then mr. Comedian came back and talked to us. A few people got to tell where they were from (and we got a geography lesson in states of the US, or rather which was the furthest away from London). Ian that handles the Queen fanclub on twitter got called out and got some attention. We had a singing and clapping competition. Mr. Comedian then told us he’d never been so happy to be cheered at for leaving the stage.

From my spot at the front, right in front of the big camera, I could see when they started practising the intro (where the hosts walked into the venue as the show started) and my stomach flipped a bit. It was going to happen. Just minutes left.

And then somehow, it happened. All of the sudden, Brian, Roger, Neil, Spike and Rufus took the stage. And all of the sudden, Adam was just a few, tiny, ridicolous meters from my face.

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The gig itself was beyond anything I’ve ever done in my life thus far. Every thought of cameras, of live streams, of people seeing my face just lost my mind completely. I was focused on the men on stage. I was focusing on Adam that looked me in the eye when he sang a few lines. That saw me, for real, for the first time. That would come to remember me a few weeks later. I sang those songs like my life depended on it. Clapped along, danced, had the time of my fucking life. This was what my life was, at this very minute, and I was going to enjoy it like I’d never enjoyed a gig before.

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At midnight, they cut out for the fireworks. We all counted down, and then everyone got their phones out for that short 5 minute pause. I opened my twitter to over 800 new mentions. It took me about 2 seconds to realize that shit, live stream. Cameras. My face. Shit.

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I turned out to be heavily featured in a few songs, from more than one camera man. Here’s an example. I’m center of attention at least 4 times in this song, haha!

The gig continued. Adam looked me in the eye yet again, pointed at me at one point. I don’t think I breathed that well throughout it all. You can’t blame me.

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Then it was over, they walked off the stage after having blown mine, everyone there and the whole of UK’s minds. I still don’t really know how I made it out of that alive. It was 2015, and I’d just witnessed the most insane performance of my life. Adam had looked at me, actually paid a few seconds of attention, just on me. It felt surreal. I turned to the woman standing next to me and uttered “HOLY SHIT” which, in hindsight, felt pretty appropriate seeing the location. I met up with some friends and we all died a collective death over how skinny he is, how GORGEOUS he is up close and for real, and how nothing would ever beat this, ever. Dead, gone, RIP, nice knowing you.

Me and Mel after the gig

Me and Mel after the gig

After saying hello to a few Glamberts and Queenies I knew, I finally started walking towards my hotel. Due to the insane amount of people and closed tube-stops it would take me another two hours to get to said hotel, after which I proceeded to make their towels blood red with my new dyed hair, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was the amazing experience I’d just had. And it was just another two weeks until I’d be back in London to do it all over again.

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Best New Year’s Eve ever.